All great number one seeds have their defining moment.
Jackson’s hips have provided us with that moment. And while Rampage was able to
literally thrust himself past the first round, the second round will be much
more difficult. Luckily, Jackson’s delivery is top notch in this interview.
When asked about his acting career, Jackson turns typical responses into
captivating insights. Who knew that simple answers such as “right now” and “as
we speak” could be spoken so poetically. Personally, I believe Rampage’s voice
has a permanent auto tune effect, making his voice just as beautiful as his
hypnotic hips. And this all took place within the first 10 seconds of the
interview. He utilized the rest of his time perfectly to build up to his
signature move, like a true number one seed.
While Rampage speaks poetically, Bart Scott lives
poetically, dishing out some good old “POETIC JUSTICE” to everyone at ESPN.
After mercilessly cutting off the overwhelmed Sal Paolantonio, Scott wastes no
time calling out Tom Jackson and Keyshawn Johnson. You may think that Scott
would cool of there, soaking in the glory of winning a playoff game against the
archrival Patriots. You couldn’t be any more wrong. Within the same breath,
Bart transitions to “ANYBODY CAN BE BEAT”. So much rage, so much hatred. So
much passion. What more could you ask for? Don’t ask Tom Jackson, Keyshawn, or
any other “Non-Believers”.
Winner: The
Number One Seed has been bounced, Bart Scott moves on to the Final Four.
Jim Mora starts off his interview with a bang: “Well I’ll start
of by saying this…”. I ask myself, what’s he going to say? After sternly
stating that the loss shouldn’t be blamed on the defense, Mora spoke words that
hit me hard, “I don’t care who you play, even if it’s a high school team…When
you turn the ball over 5 times… You ain’t going to beat anybody.” Sadly, and I
hate to rain on your ranting parade Jim, but you would have beaten the Red Bank
Bucs. I just wanted to make that clear. Very clear. Moving on, after calling
Peyton Manning’s performance “pitiful,”one reporter mentions the word
“playoffs”. It’s all history from there.
Gronkowski’s bold attempt at speaking Spanish carried him to
victory in round one, but he cannot hide behind his cultured language anymore.
In Round 2, Gronkowski’s utter unintelligence is revealed. I don’t even know
how to describe someone who describes himself as a “fiesta”. But, you have to
hand it to Gronk. He recognizes that he possesses a true inability to formulate
thoughts in English, so why not try thinking and speaking in Spanish. A truly
brilliant idea from a truly simple brain. All I can do is appreciate this truly
great interview moment.
Winner: Jim Mora
wins in the Elite 8. Gronk reacts to this devastating lost by hitting up the
clubs. Truly remarkable.
The words Iverson and practice will forever be connected.
Iverson asks the question “How the hell can I make my teammates better by practicing?”
Well Allen, maybe this explains your lack of championship rings. But beyond
that, let’s be fair to The Answer. As a point guard, he is the team
facilitator. I mean, just look at his career stats: 26.6 pts, 6.2 assists, 3
rebounds. Beyond the points (Iverson is widely regarded as the best scoring PG,
ever) Iverson didn’t do a lot to help his teammates. Allen, you’re up there
telling us lies, and we’re still here “Talkin’ Bout Practice”.
Mike Singletary speaks the truth. And nothing but the truth.
He destroys Vernon Davis in this interview, and deservingly so. Little analysis
is needed to see its affect on Davis. Davis ran harder, blocked harder, and
played harder after being called out by Singletary. And he wasn’t doing this
for himself, but for the guys and coaches around him. Singletary opened Davis’
eyes to his true potential, and Davis’ following phenomenal seasons act as substantial
evidence of Singletary’s effect. Case closed.
Winner: Mike
Singletary
50 Cent has been crowned King of the Cheek Kiss. Not only
because of his legendary attempt with Erin Andrews, but because of the fact
that this is not the first time 50 has attempted the cheek kiss before. Check this out. 5 kisses
in 15 seconds. I don’t even care that nothing has been said about either of the
actual interviews. The fact that the man who “Runs New York” can’t land one
kiss with either Hilary Swank or Erin Andrews is too awesome.
While Denny’s interview is now common knowledge thanks to
Coors Light, one part of the interview is routinely overlooked. And that is his
exit from the interview. Who knew a man of Denny’s large stature could move so
effortlessly and stealthy. One moment he’s behind the mic, the next moment he’s
out the door. We know the Bears are what Denny thought they were, but I find
myself questioning what Denny really is. One things for certain, with an exit
like that, he can’t be human.
Winner: 50 Cent’s
encore kissing act is just too much. Denny Green left this tournament, and his
podium, too fast.
The Bracket:
Rampage Jackson
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Rampage Jackson
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Tom Brady
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Bart Scott
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Bart Scott
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||||
Bart Scott
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Joe Namath
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Mike Gundy
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Rob Gronkowski
|
||||
Rob Gronkowski
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Jim Mora
|
||||
Jim Mora
|
||||
Jim Mora
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Herm Edwards
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||||
Jim Everett
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||||
Mike Singletary
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Mike Singletary
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||||
Mike Singletary
|
||||
Allen Iverson
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Allen Iverson
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||||
John Tortorella
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Denny Green
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Denny Green
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Kevin Garnett
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50 Cent
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||||
50 Cent
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||||
50 Cent
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||||
Terrell Owens
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-Will Noglows
Follow Will @WilliamNoglows
Follow the Ice Bath Team @IceBathReport
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